Posted by: Jane | August 15, 2015

Are you still bipolar after you die?

Here is a question for all you bipolars.

Since you identify as “being bipolar”, that is what you are.

Assuming you are one of those that believes in life after death,

and assuming you believe in a human soul…

Are you still bipolar after you’re dead?

Your spirit is wandering Heaven, and you meet other souls in Heaven – do you tell them how you are bipolar, or is that all out of the way now that you’re dead?

Think about it, because it’s related to being alive.

There are very few diseases or illnesses or disorders in existence where you identify yourself – as the condition.

If you have cancer, it is a disease state. You are not cancer.

If you have Alzheimer’s, you have a disease state. You are not Alzheimer’s

If you have malaria, you have a disease. You are not the disease.

With the exception of diabetes, where people say, “I am diabetic”, very few disorders cause people to identify their Self, their Person, their Being, as the disease itself. However, with bipolar, it is very common for people to identify, as “Being Bipolar”.

I can’t begin to express how pathetic and misidentified that is. It’s ridiculous.

But it is really easy to do, because when they changed the term for the condition from Manic Depression, (which names the illness as it’s defined – by it’s states of mania and depression) to Bipolar Disorder, it became a mind job. Everyone is, at some point, a little bipolar. We all, or most of us, have mood fluctuations, including excitement and depressions.

It is left in the hands of psychiatry to determine if your moods are “clinically disordered” and indicative of a disease pathology – which they never ever prove you have, neither genetically or chemically.

But you are diagnosed, that’s it. It time to redefine you entire life, your person, your Being, as a label, a modern psychiatric illness. From there you armchair diagnose people on the internet as being on or off their meds, or in need of meds adjustments, and you can pontificate to others how you finally got “properly” diagnosed.

Since it’s a chemical and genetic condition, why do you identify as being bipolar, and not having bipolar disease?

Because the disease label, the name, is so general, so plausible, that is has entered popular culture, manifesting in the most thoughtless and idiotic statements coming from the least qualified people, like, “she’s always moody, she’s so totally bipolar”.

Random people giving out driveby diagnoses on the internet or in real life conversations about a very serious topic: having, or not having, a brain-based, chemical and genetic incurable disease.

But bipolar has become utterly meaningless as a label for a major mood or thought disorder, precisely because it can mean anything now.

Consider your afterlife conversations as a bipolar person. I thought so little of living my life with an incurable disease, that first I tried removing myself from this world. Then I tried curing myself. I took the issue very seriously. It’s a shame that most of you never ever do anything drastic to deal with your bipolar, and just eat meds. And that’s what you can tell God when you go for Judgement.

You can say, “Thanks for the crappy bipolar disease body you gave me. I had to take meds all my life. I couldn’t wait to die, it was the only way I was ever getting off that stuff”

And you can thank psychiatry for convincing you to spend every second of every day from your diagnosis on outward, for the body and mind damaging drugs you “had” to take to treat your illness. So instead of living the amazing undrugged life of the nonbipolar, you got to walk around until the day you died in a lithium fugue and antipsychotic-induced brain coma.

Well done!

That fact that I cured myself of bipolar, or was monstrously medically mangled and misdiagnosed over something I was told was incurable, (and that I would have for the rest of my life), without any scientific evidence that would hold up in a clinical setting, other than connect the behavior to the symptom, diagnose out of the DSM, and proceed to lifelong medication management is an abomination. The fact that psychiatrists now do to young children what they did to me as a young teenager makes them monsters. The children do not have informed consent, and that’s why psychiatrists like drugging them when they are young and have no idea what they are in for.

That way the child’s brain, glands, and CNS are medically damaged and the child accepts the psychological programming, growing up believing they have to take polydrug management all their lives. It’s important to diagnose children before they reach the age of legal right of consent to medical treatment, and get them damaged on drugs as early in life as possible. It makes the most profits long term, and causes children to grow up not questioning their diagnoses and refusing meds, like I did at age fifteen, because neither the diagnosis, nor the meds, made any sense to me at all.

Being bipolar was not acceptable to me. And it’s not who I was, and it’s not who I am.

If you are bipolar, I feel quite sorry for you. You have profoundly and psychologically fallen for the preeminent psychiatric pseudoscience fraud of our time. Sucker.

I have a written a book detailing how to heal your mind of damage. To be specific, I have written the cure for mental illness. This cure is distillation of my method that I used to permanently heal from depression, PTSD, manic depression, and schizophrenia. That’s quite a claim, and I’ve state more than once, that I am willing to back up that claim, by heading down to Sarah Lazar’s Brain Scan Labs, and getting my frontal cortex mapped, the same way that Buddhist monks were imaged.

You see, psychiatry’s diagnosis of mind, mood, thoughts, and behavioral disorders hangs on very thin threads and assumption.

One of those assumptions, is that “bipolar is genetic”. So, profile my genes. I have all the requisite “artsy” genes that have come to be associated with people with disorders. I enjoy drawing, painting, singing, dancing, musical instruments, sculpting and movement arts like tai chi and ba gua. That means, according to the now stereotyped “classical” background of the manic depressive, i have the “art cred”.

Another of those assumptions, is that “bipolar is a chemical imbalance”. So brain chemicals are to blame then? They told me in 1989 it was a chemical imbalance. Guess what year it is? 2015 right? Still no specific brain chemicals have been identified as having been out of balance, causing bipolar.

The third major assumption floating around in psychiatry, is that mood and thought disorders are a result of a lack of development, or some “misfiring” or “mis-signaling” in the frontal and prefrontal lobes of the brain, and there is where I have psychiatry by the literal balls.

They have no genetic test, so testing my genes to find my (presumed) bipolar gene would be fraudulent science and waste of medical resources and time, because no doubt, I would share some genes with both people with and without bipolar, according to the gene test collection surveys that have been done. I personally, would love it, if they tested my genes, and found that I actually carried some or all of the genes that have been “implicated” in manic depression. The fact that I carried those genes and have been utterly without depression since the late 90s, is scientifically significant.

They could take my serotonin and dopamine levels at the time of the blood test, but since they have no scale, no graph, no disease progression time-table associated with the chemical imbalance theory, they can’t say, “Wow, look at this, some how Jane’s chemicals just never get imbalanced like what we see with bipolars”. Or even better would be,, “Hey look at this, Jane’s chemicals are, according to our graphs and charts, within active bipolar symptom range, yet, she has no depression, so how could that be?”

Once we examine, even in a shallow way, both the genetic and chemical imbalance theory, they literally fall flat, sounding like childish science, grasping at straws. A genetic and chemical test of my blood would baffle psychiatrists.

But we go right to the brain scan machines, right now, today, and strap me in, and get a read out in a PET of my neuron development as I practice meditation live, right in front of Joe Biederman, John Grohol and Kay Redfield, with Dr. Sarah Lazar standing watch, explaining what you are seeing in the scan.

Right there, the frontal lobe deficiency theory of mood and thought disorders gets shattered, right in front of your faces.

Since there are no chemical tests for the chemical imbalance, then it is perfectly plausible, that my “chemicals” have been “rebalanced”. You can’t make that assessment scientifically, because you have no concept of how they are “out of balance”, none at all!

Since there are no genes that we know, for sure, which “cause” or predispose you to bipolar; any genetic assay of my body comes out a waste of time. You can’t prove that I do or do not have bipolar, simply by sampling my genes, because there are no genetic profiles linked to causing bipolar, so you would not be able to clinically determine whether or not I had the genes for bipolar, and whether or not those genes were “active”.

On the other hand, by implicating genetic “expression” as a source for thought and mood disorder, you are basically positing that when certain genes flip or express this way or that, you “become bipolar”. But it is perfectly plausible under that theory, that a gene that has been activated, can be deactivated. So according to genetic theories, it’s entirely possible I somehow, through my lifestyle changes and my anti-stress meditation practices, caused the genes “giving me” bipolar, to un-express. To turn off. To stop. To flip into a dormant state. Because surely, by not having depression in all these years, the genes responsible for bipolar must somehow have been “turned off”. But you have no way to tell if that is true or not, so it’s both a total waste to say bipolar is genetic, because you can’t prove it, nor can you disprove my claim to curing bipolar by taking a sample of my genes.

So you can’t disprove my claim to curing manic depression by asking me to come down to a lab, and taking my blood work and peering at my genes and assaying my “chemicals”.  You would have nothing to show the cameras that proves whether I did or did not have bipolar, because you psychiatrists don’t know, yourselves.

That leaves the brain scan.

You bring all your favorite university pro-damaged frontal lobe mood disorder specialists, and observe as Sarah Lazar runs me through a PET scan, and compare my neural growth, to those that have been tested for bipolar, and schizophrenia, and cross-reference the patients brain scans, my brain scan, and the Buddhist monks brain scans, and it’s game over for psychiatry. Game over.

One could always theorize, since you psychiatrists are never ever wrong about anything – that I never had manic depression and schizophrenia to begin with.

Imagine that.

Consider the implications of that.

Because as we all know, there is no cure for the genetic disease chemical imbalance of manic depression and schizophrenia, right? Every one knows that. Ergo, i must have been misdiagnosed.

Misdiagnosis. Now that would be truly ironic.

That I was physically molested and assaulted by psychiatric nurses, for nothing.

That I was forced to undergo the death of personality and that the Russian Roulette Risk of Tardives Diskynisa on the drug “Trilafon” every day for six months of my adolescence, was for nothing.

That I was forced to accept toxic blood, toxic thyroid, toxic kidneys on lithium, every single day for six months, for nothing.

That I was forced to stay inpatient at the cost of $800 (in 1980s dollar value) per day, for over three, almost four full months in a long-term psychiatric asylum – for nothing.

That I was forced to live in Residential Treatment Group Homes for psychiatrically “disturbed” teenagers at the tax payers expense, spending time in solitary, spending time in useless group therapy, watching other patients act out and injure themselves or others or me, watch staff who were employed by the State and paid with your taxmoney, abuse and oppress us – for nothing!

That I was given psychiatric labels for life, told, I had in incurable disorder, and would REQUIRE lithium and neuroleptic combination treatment every day of my life from age fourteen on out – for nothing.

You had no tests for the diagnosis back then. All your tests had no results! No proof!

And you have no better tests, today. That is absolutely pathetic. That the simple act of a proper diagnosis for manic depression has not improved in any scientifically meaningful way in decades. That is ridiculous.

So there is really no such thing as a “proper” diagnosis. And if you can’t cure manic depression, (no one has explained why manic depression is incurable, that is, what makes it incurable), then you have to refuse the idea, that my book contains the cure for manic depression, that my brain contains the cure for manic depression, because it is scientifically impossible.

Which means I was medically harmed, medically injured, medically experimented on, for nothing.

Someone, somewhere in psychiatry, either owes me an apology, for sweeping someone who never had manic depression in the first place, into the psychiatric treatment machine, and subjecting me to the horrors of psychiatry that are the routine treatments for the poor sub-humans with mental illness, for blatant abusing a helpless fourteen year old child with medicine, for utterly no justifiable reason over twenty years later, that any one at Harvard or Hopkins would care to explain to me.

Or you owe me an apology for telling me it was incurable, when you psychiatrists have no idea what you are talking about.

Right now, you need to accept that I actually did cure manic depression without meds, using meditation, and you need to recognize that, and start propagating my book at top Universities. I will accept either an honorary doctorate from John Hopkins, or the Nobel Prize in medicine for radical invention and advancements to the study of psychology and psychiatry.

Or someone from those Universities needs to explain to me, how I never had bipolar to begin with, and all that psychiatric abuse was for nothing. The six months of drug torture, for nothing. The restraints, the isolation, the Individual Education Plan, the therapists, the lab tests, the lithium blood levels, all of it was medical malpractice. That I was an accidental victim. That those treatments and prognosis were not meant for me, only for real manic depressives. So sorry.

The one piece of law I would like to see written in my lifetime: It is a Federal and State offense, a crime, to use psychiatric medications on all persons under the age of eighteen.

I was there, when Prozac was the “it” drug, and witnessed the wholesale experimentation on minor teens of Prozac without their truly informed consent, in the 1990s.

This has become so thoroughly out of hand, that little children are being diagnosed with bipolar, and put on multiple drugs.

This so totally enrages me, that if it was possible to psychically ignite every single human alive having anything to do with the wholesale polypharmacy druggings of teenagers, foster children and wards of the state, I would do so in an instant, and not lose any sleep knowing I was helping the human race. Removing threats to me, and my kind – the sensitive, and the feeling.

The fact that no one will ever pass that law, means you are all doomed. You sold out the human race’s future, children, to a theory about mental illness that wasn’t proven to me in 1989, and still is not proven in 2015.

I will take my meditation, healing, and martial knowledge and keep it to myself. None of you doling out Dxs and Rxs are worthy, and none of you on psych meds would ever make any progress with internal energy arts, so. Too bad for you all.

Do you think, if you are a psychiatric nurse, male or female, you could sit down with me, and look me in the eyes, and explain to me, logically, why I needed to have my brain, my CNS, my glands, my internal organs and my puberty all messed up on litihum and Trilafondle? For life no less!

If you think you can explain to me, scientifically, why taking industrial toxins as a teenager was “medical treatment”, by all means, send me an email, and we will have lunch.

This ought to be interesting…

Posted by: Jane | July 31, 2015

Alien Method

In the almost five years since my book was published, no one has emailed me to tell me that they followed my path, or reverse-engineered my method, and cured themselves of mental illness.

I have come to accept that my knowledge is not meant for the humans of today.

In fact it may be best, now that everyone in the world can qualify for a bipolar spectrum disorder diagnosis, for all of you to go on meds, and go to sleep, and stay asleep your entire lives.

I can’t explain why you people on meds are so utterly insensitive to your own mind-body energy, that you can not tell that you are hurting yourselves. That your maintenance medications are anti-enlightenment poisons that can’t lead to a truly healthy mind in a healthy body, because your body and mind are compromised.

Look at it this way:

If we assign a value of 1 to a healthy person without mental illness, then their value, for the purposes of this equation, is 1.

If we assign a value of 2 to an extremely fit person with a disciplined and controlled mind, their value is 2.

If we assign a value of -1 to a mentally ill person because they are not functioning as a level 1 or 2, then their value is -1.

If we assign a value of -2 to a mentally ill person taking medications which harms their CNS, glands, and organs, because they are now not only functioning at a negative level mentally, compared to the mentally well person, and factor in the damage to their bodily integrity due to the effect of psych meds etching away your health over time, then their value is -2.

For each mental illness diagnosed, and each medication added to their regimen, add another negative value, so:

If a person has a dual diagnosis for psychiatric disorders, and takes two psychiatric drugs, then their value is -4.

As a tai chi and meditation master, eating like a professional athlete and supplementing only with the best, and not taking any psychiatric medications, and devoid of alcohol and drug abuse, combined with my 10,000 hour meditation accomplishment, I assign myself a relative value of 3.

So, as someone who can perform 180 minutes of high-speed fighting tai chi, and sit in meditation for over twelve hours at a stretch, and who is immune to mental illness due to my neural-growth and body-mind balance, I am enjoying life at a level that someone with two mental health diagnoses and taking two or more mind-body polluting psychiatric medications can’t even imagine.

I am on one side of the adage/equation “a sound mind in a sound body” and all you bipolars are on the other side.

When I first cured myself of bipolar and ptsd, I thought naively, that any one could do it. Just do what I did.

As time went on, I began to realize that it was unlikely  that “any one” could do it.

The thing that finally galvanized me to write my book and share my story, is the reckless march of the union of Big Pharma and psychiatry. It manifested as an article in the New York Times about a 10-fold or 40-fold increase in “teen bipolar” and I got chills in my spine and a massive sense of alarm, because this should never have happened.

At that point, I realized that something was seriously wrong with this world, and no one is intervening to stop this crime against teens, and children, and ultimately, the destruction of our future.

I can prove that all the so-called “science” underpinning bipolar disorder is fraudulent, and that there is no such thing as a bipolar child, with a simple brain scan at Sarah Lazar’s Harvard lab, with witnesses from NIMH, Harvard Psychiatry and the John Hopkins biogenetic-psychiatry team. I can shatter your delusions about mental illness, and mental health, in a few hours at a lab.

Just like that, modern psychiatry, debunked, defanged, destroyed.

Try me.

No one has. And none of you ever will, because of ivory tower hubris, and the gross and disgusting profits to be made off medicating women and children into oblivion.

You guys won. Congratulations.

You sold out the future of American’s children, to unproven brain and genetic theories. Be proud of yourselves.

In the meantime, my meditation mastery magic, my cure for modern mental illness, will still be here. But it is not for you people. You homo sapiens.

It is either for an advanced alien race with similar psychology and body-type, or for the humans, the homo superiors of the future who are far more intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually advanced, than the people of Earth of 2015.

That’s why nobody understands my work, and why none of you can do it. You are not homo superior. Thanks to your teratogenic, organ, gland and brain-harming drugs that you can’t even function normally without, you are so far from homo superior its ridiculous, in fact, you are not even homo sapiens anymore, you are homo inferior.

If the world as we knew it, ended today, millions of psychiatric drug users would be thrust into an amazing hell-verse of suffering. Having authored a book on how to live a mentally healthy, psychiatric drug-free life, I could only laugh really, at your helplessness and total unpreparedness.

I mean seriously, I could tell as a teenager, that psychiatric drugs were hurting me. So, I must have come into this world with a far greater nervous system perception/awareness/advantage than perhaps all of you, to so exquisitely sense my own body-mind degradation on lithium and antipsychotics, while apparently none of you can sense that internal damage.

If that is true, then perhaps that is a mutation that has saved me from your fate. If it is a mutation, surely it is superior..

Continuing my roll against psychiatry and picking up from my last post, “The Psychiatric Insane Asylum, a place of Nightmare”, I wanted to collect my primary points/complaints, and compare and contrast them with the methods I outlined in my book that allowed me to recover from multiple incurable genetic mental disorders, in a little less than five years.

The world of a psychiatric unit, ward, or asylum is an anti-reality. Everything that transpires there, is the exact opposite of the places stated intentions or milieu.

Why would you go to an insane asylum or a mental ward, in the first place (assuming you were not taken to one against your will)?

Oh, because you heard that there is where you go if you have mental illness.

The first two private psychiatric wards I was sent to, were called “Brookside Hospital” and “Lakeshore Hospital”, The taxpayer-funded, State psychiatric asylum I was sent to, was called simply, “Concord Hospital”. Concord Hospital was formerly the Concord State Asylum for the Insane, and it has a classic, foreboding red brick and black gabled exterior. Some of the buildings were brick, with a familiar white trim all about it.

Concord Hospital looked like a classic lunatic asylum, and had a long history as such.

Brookside and Lakeshore, were private hospitals, and their names implied a restful, relaxing, respite from the crazy or chaotic world of stress that caused your mental or emotional or nervous collapse in the first place. That was what I both hoped for, and expected. But that is not what I found there.

Brookside was not at the side of a brook, or stream, or river. Lakeshore, was not at the side of, or next to, the shore of a lake. Both were at the very end of industrial areas located some ways away from town or city proper.

What you want as a patient, is to be respected. The staff will begin to disrespect you in subtle and obvious ways from the moment you enter the actual ward itself, after your intake at the front desk.

What you want as a patient, is to be left alone. The staff invade your space constantly, and are always checking on you, moving around you, and taking notes about you.

What you want as a patient, is lack of stress. The Common Areas are the only places you can go outside of your own room, and that is where the other patients congregate. If you sit absolutely still long enough, and just observe, sooner or later you will see the other patients act out in bizarre, dramatic, and threatening ways.

That is when a deep sense of “something is seriously wrong here”, blossomed into my gut feelings. When, on the first day, I watched a young boy go absolutely ballistic and start screaming and smashing things – then a horde of adults called “code” and literally ganged up on this child and wrestled him into submission and forced him to go into isolation.

I witnessed this, on my first day, within about four hours, perhaps less, of being “admitted” behind the closed doors of the ward.

I realized, at that same time, that I had made a major mistake, a massive miscalculation, when I thought this was the place to heal from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and suicidal depression.

As a patient, you want to be left in peace, with no stress, and with no concern about violence erupting around you, or aimed at you, from patients, or trained professional psychiatric nurses.

The exact opposite happens.

You get more and more stressed out, the longer these histrionics and melodramas and assaults take place around you.

The pressure goes up – not down.

The stress goes up –  not down.

The dehumanization continues, and worsens.

The treatments, the structured ones, merely pass the time. Group therapy? Total waste of time! I was never asked if I wanted it! Not participating is labeled “noncompliance” and they flag you! It is a strike against you!. They note that you were reluctant to go to group therapy, tried to skip out, or didn’t participate during the session, and it’s automatically held against you for analysis! Under the assumption that “it means something”, something, related to your “disease”.


Every thing is a group activity, except your few and spare private therapy sessions, which did not, when I was there, teach coping skills, or perform actual listening therapy. They were more like progress reports, updates, and checkups, than actual training in how not to be mentally ill, or how to cope, or recover, or get out of this place, soonest, without mental illness.

You are marched, after being formed into lines, from one room, or activity, or place, as a group, like prisoners.

After my first three weeks spent languishing at Brookside, not getting better, but constantly stressed and alerted because of the violent patients, and the violent psychiatric nurses, I was sent into the labs for testing.

While I was in the labs, someone, somewhere, decided to turn up the heat on my medical file, because my personal oppression vaulted through the roof for next twenty-four hours, culminating in the entire facility rising up against me, as it were. They came for me, after I began to protest my conditions and their antagonism of a mental patient whiling away my time here at $800 per day.

They hurt me in ways you can not imagine, unless you have been through it, and I recounted that incident in great detail in my memoir, and I won’t recount it again for this post.

Afterward, I was given my genetic chemical imbalance disorder labels, for life – along with the “incurable” sentence portion of my diagnoses.

Then my suffering got worse, when the medications began – drugs which they finally forced me to take, without my consent, informed, or otherwise.

As I said in my last post, the smiling psychiatric nurses, did not inform me that losing my kidneys and thyroid, was just part of “being bipolar”.

And the reassuring, smiling, trained psychiatric nurses, did not inform me, that losing brain cells, and central nervous system destruction, was just part of my luck, for being “born” with an incurable, genetic chemical imbalance, manic depression.

They hurt me. And kept hurting me.

When I asked the nurses at the triage station after three months, “When am I getting out of here?”,

one of the nurses, answered me without even looking directly at me,

“You shouldn’t be worrying about leaving right now. You need to focus on getting better.”

Total invalidation. Total lies. Total lack of healing. Total gaslight city. Total oppression and mind control. Mad science. Medical experimentation without end, or consent, for life, was what they sentenced me to, in that place.

The final irony here, is that, from age 20 through age 25, I spent thousands of hours alone at the side of a river, in self-imposed isolation, practicing mindfulness meditation which is proven to reduce stress, which healed my mind for real.

meditation at riverside early am.

meditation at riverside early am.

And I practiced the Chinese martial art, “Tai Chi” which at one point, Bellevue Hospital funded a study on. They clinically proved that regular Tai Chi practice, soothed both the patients, AND those violent, invalidating psychiatric nurses.

Psychiatric Insane Asylums, are places where you go, to die slowly, not to live. You go there to be oppressed, not liberated. You get hurt there, not healed. And everyone who works for one, is a medical practitioner…


Old style, or new, the modern insane asylum or psychiatric unit is an obscenity on the human medical/technological record.

Let me tell you about a place like no other on this Earth…

A place, a realm, a dimension where everything works – exactly – opposite, of the stated intentions.

If you are feeling angry all the time, it stands to reason you need a break from stresses that get or keep you mad.

If you are feeling anxious a lot, it stands to reason that you could use a break from things that make you feel panic or anxiety.

If you are feeling depression, long, persistent, bone-fatigued spiritual depression, then it would make sense to find a pleasant environment to take a stress-free time out to heal and figure things out, and let your energy recharge, and if need be, be left alone in a peaceful non-threatening place, to be depressed. To sleep all day, or skulk about in a robe or night clothes, or stare in the distance at nature indoors, or outdoors, for as long as you want.

When I made the mistake of entering a mental institution for the first time, I found “anti-reality”. I discovered a place, where, what you need to happen to heal, is not offered to you at all. Quite the opposite, actually.


In institutions called “Brookside” and “Lakeshore”, names which evoke a restful, peaceful, natural and stress-free atmosphere, I found Hell, on Earth.

These institutions, both of them, were located nowhere near a lake or a brook or a stream at all.

In fact, they were located in industrial areas. In both asylums, when I was taken there, my family, and later social worker, drove me out of the centers of town, away from shopping or residential areas, to locations filled with various kinds of industry, usually factories, and warehouses.

We would turn right or left onto a paved road, and pass one industrial building on the right, and one warehouse on the left. The next lot down, the warehouse was on the right, and the factory was on the left, and so on, lot, by lot, until we got to the end of the industrial driveway, and found, at last, a building parked at the end, that resembled either a streamlined modern college campus, or a corporation headquarters.

As we got out of the car with my things, I turned about, literally looking for the brook at Brookside, and the lake at Lakeshore, and there was only pavement, manicured mini-lawns, and some forbidding tall, chain-link fences with the sharp points of the chain-link, pointing up at the tops, at the backs of the buildings/hospitals exposing the edges of outdoor exercise yards, much like a prison.

Immediately, I had deep misgivings about what was going to happen to me inside those buildings, because the names were obvious lies.

It got worse.

Upon entering, you are “committed” and you promptly lose your human rights, human respect, humane care, or being taken seriously as a person or a citizen or even a child of God.

When I first went inpatient, I saw horrible things –  adults, groups of them, chasing small children around, and restraining them, sometimes in devious, dangerous devices that utterly immobilize you. Then, once encased, imprisoned or wrapped up in their restraining devices, you are forced to go into Solitary Confinement for protracted periods of time.

Nurses will peer through a tiny, plate-glass and wire-mesh reinforced observation window cut into a solid steel door blocking your escape from the Quiet Room, and make notes about your suffering.

Sometimes several nurses will come and go over the course of a minute or two, each one staring and gawking at you after having attacked you en masse, restrained you, placed an immobilization contraption around you, and leaving you in this device, inside a concrete-walled room with either a carpet or linoleum tile floor.

Then after giving you a set of experiences you are really and truly angry, anxious and depressed about, the fun really starts.

When I was there, I sat passively and acted normally, for weeks, waiting for “treatment” which never really happened. Not the kind that I imagined, the part about sitting in a comfortable chair on a lawn, under a tree, watching the birds on a lake swimming or flying or whatever.

All of which would have been far preferable, than being stuck in the “Common Area” half the day or more, watching a wall-mounted television, waiting to be ordered into lines to march to art therapy, recreation yard time, meals, or group therapy in a line with other patients.

What actually happened, is that the pressure inside the asylum – instead of going down to accommodate my convalescence from the harsh and hard life that had driven me to anxiousness, anger, and suicidal depression – went up.

The longer I was there, the harder life got as a patient.

As my stay inpatient wore on day, after day, the more violence I witnessed. Which, as a sufferer of serious Post Traumatic Stress Disorder,  was actually keeping me triggered into flight-or-fight, hypervigilance mode all the time.

And when I say violence, I mean, as a sufferer of child abuse from both my parents, the last thing I needed to see, was psychiatric nurses in roving gangs, jumping on screaming children, and making them scream even louder until, like me at home, they were banished out of sight behind closed doors, to languish until these same psychiatric nurses decided to let you out.

Instead of being able to destress in pleasurable or inoffensive setting, I was kept constantly stressed, worrying about mental patients acting out in dramatic or violent ways around in me, and the mad rush of frenzied psychiatric nurses as they called a “code” and ganged up on these children and teens for the sole purpose of sending them into isolation, again.

The medications they will finally force you to take, when you refuse or do not ask for, or want them, do extreme damage to your body, heart, and mind, right away. The effects get worse, the longer you are on them.

As a child, those smiling female psychiatric nurses never told me about losing my kidneys as the price to pay for being “a bipolar”.

Nor, did these smiling, reassuring female psychiatric nurses tell me about Tardives Dyskenisa, a malignant, incurable neuro-motor degenerative disease caused by one thing and one thing only – neuroleptics. Nerve clamps. Antipsychotics. Hypnotics and major tranquilizers.

My distrust of modern medicine and psychiatry is deeply rooted in the fact that I have never, in forty years on this planet, met a single soul who ever came out of a mental ward, institution, clinic, unit or asylum, cured of their diagnoses with minimal, or nonexistence use of psychiatric medications.

In fact, I have never met a single soul who came out of an asylum cured of mental illness.

And I know, for a fact, that everyone who goes inside a mental ward, or insane asylum as a patient, enters a backwards world of anti-healing, were the staff, the program and structure, and their medications and medical interventions, hurt you. The more and the longer they are used on you, the further you get from being healed.

Why must it be like this? Why can’t we be healed at an insane asylum? Why did Bellevue Hospital defund and cancel their experimental tai chi program, after clinically proving it worked – for staff and patients alike…


…getting better, was never ever part of the plan, in the first place.

Where did you get your PHD? You know what, it doesn’t matter. If your PHD is in psychiatry, take your diploma/certification, douse it in lighter fluid, and toss it in a lit fireplace, immediately. And here is why…

In the grand history of the study of Manic Depression, a forerunner to today’s psychiatrists, a learned German doctor by the name of Emil Kraeplin, did some basic scientific observations of people with so-called Manic Depression. One of his earliest discoveries, was that people with the illness got better. Some got better quickly, and others, over time.

Their symptoms went away all by themselves. Sometimes for good. Without medical intervention or the “meds for life” approach that sites like International Bipolar Foundation, National Institute of Mental Health, and National Alliance for the Mentally Ill present as scientific fact.

When, exactly, did John Grohol, Joe Biederman, and Kay Redfield Jamison, forget this important bit of historical research, is what I would like an answer to, right now.

One way we can determine if you have major mental illness, is your inability to stay out of psychiatric services. If you have a one day of mania, or one week, it does not mean you have bipolar disorder, folks. Certainly, it does not mean you have a genetic “chemical imbalance” for life.

That is utter nonsense, and I can prove it clinically if you bring these psychiatrists to me at once, and we march together to Sarah Lazar’s Tibetan Monk Brain Scan Lab at Harvard Medical, and you bring your books, bring Jamison’s book “Manic Depressive Illness”, bring “The Bipolar Child” authors, and definitely bring me Joe “a baby can have bipolar disorder the moment it opens its eyes” Biederman, and I will have them stripped of their PHDs, and recanting their articles, books and statements about bipolar, after an hour under a PET scan, with the obligatory blood test for my chemical imbalance (which will lead nowhere!) and a donation of my DNA for analysis to compare to say, the Dutch Twin Study and all other bipolar genetic experiments.

It would be that easy to shatter the myth of the bipolar child, and manic depression illness as “genetic”, a “brain disorder”, “incurable” forever.

That easy, to bring about the fall of psychiatry as we know it today.

And that gut-trembling fear in the bowels of the clinical psychiatrists working at John Hopkins Psychiatry and Genetics Department, is, you know it is true. You entire career is a waste. A lie. A fraud on the world’s population. And a grievous sin against infants, children, teenagers, and women –  women who far more often, fail psychiatric exams due to ‘moodiness” and statistically, are on twice as many psychiatric medications as men these days.

What an utter travesty of modern medicine, built on the oath, “First, do no harm with medicine’.

Burn your PHDs, right now, and retire.

Here is the rest of it…

Manic Depression in 1950s, 60s, 70s, and early 80s, becomes Bipolar Disorder. When I was in an insane asylum in 1989, Manic Depression and Bipolar Disorder were used interchangeably, circa DSM III. Mania still existed as a discrete phenomena.

Bipolar Disorder from 1990s – to present day. After the DSM IV, “Mania” is gone from the DSM as a mental condition, and it is only attached to Bipolar Disorder, formerly Manic Depression. The DSM workgroup invents out of thin air, a new type of Bipolar Disorder, far weaker in symptomatic intensity than the original requirements for Manic Depression, called “Bipolar Disorder Type II”, and create also another sub-type called “Cyclothymia”. Neither of which existed in the literature of the early texts in America, or Europe on Manic Depression.

2007 – Benedict Carey writes for the New York Times, that diagnoses of bipolar disorder in children have escalated 40 fold.

NEW YORK — The number of American children and adolescents treated for bipolar disorder increased 40-fold from 1994 to 2003, researchers are due to report Tuesday in the most comprehensive study to look at the controversial diagnosis. And experts say the numbers have almost certainly risen further in the years since.

The magnitude of the increase in an illness that until recently was thought to emerge only in adulthood, is surprising to many experts, and it is likely to intensify a debate that has shaken the field of child psychiatry in recent years.

original article:

2007, 2008, 2009, 2010 – In response to my fear, horror and disbelief at how this is even happening, I spent hundreds of hours researching old and new psychiatry, psychiatric “nosology” (diagnostic protocols), bipolar genetics, and progress made in identifying the alleged “chemical imbalance” of the brain, that was cited in 1989 as why I needed to “maintain” on lithium and antipsychotics for my entire life. I write about my five year meditation mastery between the ages of 20 and 25. I finish my memoir. Shop it around. None of the Big Publishers are even remotely interested. I self-publish with Amazon’s Createspace and hire a professional typesetter for my manuscript, and a professional artist to work on the image of my book cover that I had in mind.

2010 – My book, “Possessing Me: a memoir of healing” goes live on Amazon.

And not one psychiatrist has stepped forward to explain the atrocity i suffered as a teen, being medically tortured and experimented on inpatient, based on a theory about my genes, and my brain chemistry that was not proven in the 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000-2010, or from 2011-2015, and still remains pure theory, with no actual basis in proven science.

Meanwhile, as Joe Biederman at Harvard Psychiatry is pronouncing newborn babies as potentially, quite literally, opening their “bipolar eyes’ at the world, as they come out of the womb…with no tests to speak of, to warrant such a diagnosis, or its current treatment, which is generally an antidepressant “to balance your moods and keep you at the equator since your brain can’t normally do that on its own”, and an antipsychotic “to eliminate psychosis”, mania, hypersexuality, delusional thinking, grandiosity, and other features of “the disorder” relevant to being “up”, “high”, or “manic”.

Sarah Lazer is somewhere else at Harvard Medical, literally doing major pioneering research, by brain scanning meditating monks of all ages and experience levels and meditation skill, and analyzing her findings. Which, to put it simply, demonstrate neuron growth formation in the frontal and prefrontal cortex of the brain – the exact same part of the brain that some bipolar disorder specialists are implicating as being “disordered, damaged, or dysfunctional” in the brains of bipolar people.

Why aren’t Joe Biederman, and Kay R. Jamison comparing notes with all the University-level brain imaging research being done on Buddhist, Tibetan, and Zen monks in the “experimental science and psychology” labs, across or down the hall, from the Biological Psychiatry labs?

Anyone care to answer me that?

A brief timeline of the “treatment” for Manic Depression/Bipolar Disorder:

In the time of Emil Kraeplin, sometimes no psychopharmaceuticals were used at all, and some patients became well, and were discharged, never to have a bipolar event, again.

Flash forward to psychiatry in the 1950s through 1980:

1. You treat Manic Depressives with lithium.

2. You treat Schizophrenics with antipsychotics like Haldumb and Thorazoned-out-and-shuffling.

As the 80s progressed, someone, somewhere in Big Psychiatry, decided to overlap those two extremely different “medicines” and “Bipolars” were now being given lithium and neuroleptics, (nerve clamps) which are classified as Hypnotics, and Major Tranquilizers and were used punitively by Soviet Political Police, against Russian professors, academics, and philosophers – deliberately, for the “Chemical Lobotomy Effect” described in the early data sheets on Haldol.

That is what happened to me, at age fourteen, and it was a mind-body-spirit disaster for my developing brain, body, and person. Utterly unscientific. Utterly unnecessary. Utterly medical malpractice. Modern Mengele Medicine.

It would be one thing, if they kept those drugs, those toxic chemicals in the psychiatric medicine cabinet, only for use on the worst cases of Manic Depression, and only in institutional settings. That’s bad enough.

But by tweaking the defining characteristics of bipolar disorder, and making the symptomology weaker and weaker and less dramatic/drastic in terms of “presenting clinical deviance from the norm”, it becomes much, much easier for people without a serious mental illness, to be diagnosed with one, without any kind of clinically proven lab science to back that up. Just arbitrary diagnosing protocols.

Peak Psychiatry occurred when I read an article about an infant being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, subsequently being treated with Tardives Dyskenisa/Neuromotor Malignancy Syndrome-causing antipsychotics, and then dying soon after.

This is the end of psychiatry as we know it. It has to stop. This can not continue. It’s a total fraud, not just on the American Public, but also throughout the entire European Union, Asia, India, Australia, South American, and anywhere else Big Pharma and Big Psychiatry can infiltrate.

Read my book. I explained in great detail, the methodology I used to disprove my Mengele Psychiatrist and her pronouncement of my life-long death sentence/disease condition of my incurable genetic brain disorder, Manic Depressive Illness/Bipolar Disorder I.

If I can cure myself of Bipolar Disorder I in less than five years in my 20s, and you get “properly diagnosed” at age 30 or 40 with Bipolar Disorder II, what is your excuse for taking Lamictal and Zyprexia? Or lithium and Trilafon? You are self-injuring for nothing. And you don’t have a genetic disease or a brain disorder.

Ask your doctor for the blood labs, the brain scans, the genetic tests, anything scientific, other than his or her opinion based on going over a checklist in the DSM, and matching  it to an insurance code to bill your insurance for psychiatrist visits and decades of polypharmacy use, proven to reduce your total lifespan, through meta-analysis of long-term users of these drug poisons, losing their thyroids, their pancreas, their kidneys, their brain cells, and their central nervous system integrity.

Psychiatry has cast an enormous net around the entire planet, a trap, a trick, a deceit, a lie, called “Bipolar Disorder” and it is the end of humanity as we know, if this doesn’t stop, soon.

Your brains and bodies are all messed up from the drugs, and you are literally prevented from using meditation/ontology/mind-body medicine to heal yourselves, because either:

1. You are discouraged to try, since you have accepted that you have in incurable brain disorder.

2. Your mental faculties are too impaired to really get the kind of benefits observed by Sarah Lazar’s Meditating Monks Brain Scan Experiments, as well as my own testimony in my memoir.

This is how psychiatry reached too far, for no reason but to fatten their own Curriculum Vitae and bank accounts.

They are literally stuck on Step Four of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, unable to ever attain Step Five, (actualization).

That goes for both the psychiatrists, and the medically mangled mental patients themselves.

It’s also why I wrote my book for the future. For humans in the year 2500, or 3000 to know what a huge problem psychiatry had become in the 20th and 21st centuries on Earth. A time when we create nanotech, have robotic surgery, Mars-roving robots, and the Hubble, and James Webb Telescopes, as well as some amazing military and space technology.

But for the mind, for real mental health, or mental illness, there is no cure, only endless “treatment”.

I am ahead of my era, bearing an hourglass of time, my 10,000 hour meditation achievement made during my 20s, in the late 90s, as a way to escape my “genetic destiny” of being an incurable bipolar person, for life.

Nobody on the planet who runs things in psychiatry, is interested in my cure for modern mental illness, which is on file with the US Library of Congress for their review.

You people are doomed. Psychiatrists, and psychiatric patients alike. You are wasting your lives in servitude to a lie about brain science, genetics, and biochemistry, which i can prove is a lie unequivocally, with a few hours at Harvard, dragging all the Harvard and Hopkins Biologic Psychiatrists, into Sarah Lazar’s meditation brain scan lab to get their entire medical model debunked right in front of their eyes.


1. How To Pass Any Psychiatric Exam, (for children, teens, adults, and the elderly):

2. How a meditation master can manipulate the minds of the zombies of Medication Nation.

3. Meditation as a Cure for Mental Illness here

4. Ontology for Beginners here

5. How to break free of your abusive therapists and psychiatrists here

Here is the International Bipolar Foundation, neck deep in pseudoscience:

About Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in a person’s mood, energy, and ability to function. Different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through, the symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But there is good news: bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives.

Let’s just focus on the science, shall we?

The very first statement, is a unproven. “Bipolar Disorder…is a brain disorder.”

Not true. Not proven. Show me the genes that prove it. Show me the exact neurons that cause it, or show you have it. Show me the exact brain chemistry responsible, and show me the brain chemistry as it looks on non bipolar people and those with the diagnosis. Show me the science, otherwise, it’s pseudoscience. Pretty obvious.

What are often called “symptoms” are more accurately classified as “behaviorial”. So, at our most humble, “bipolar disorder” would be classified as a “behavior disorder”, not a BRAIN DISORDER.

To be a brain disorder, to state that premise or assertion like a proven fact, implies the research that defines bipolar disorder as a brain-caused, or brain-faulted illness/disease/disorder, has been accomplished. I already stated what science I need to see in paper, in front of me on my desk, to be satisfied bipolar disorder is caused or due to problems with your brain. Bad science.

The best part may be, how I received the old manic depressive illness diagnosis as a teenager, in an asylum: they told me i was bipolar-for-life, due to my brain.

I have a standing offer, to be brain-imaged while performing meditation in front of the AMA, the APA, the New England Journal of Medicine, Anyone from NIMH, NAMI, John Hopkin Psychiatry, Harvard Psychiatry, Bellevue!, Sarah Lazar’s Harvard Medical Tibetan Monk frontal cortex brain scan team, in the front of the authors of “The Bipolar Child”, to expose this nonsense and lay it to rest for all time.

I found this link posted on Facebook, and it did not take long before I got my first troll commenter. A woman who accused me of needing to “do research” and that I would know if I was “one of the afflicted”.

When I knocked her statements down, she suggested I needed a hobby, to which I responded, “a hobby like Tai Chi Chuan?” left unsaid was how Bellevue Asylum canceled their Tai Chi program after clinically proving that it was helpful to the mental patients.

Instead, Bellevue preferred medications that don’t actually heal you. This is what the International Bipolar Foundation is alluding to, with this statement:

“But there is good news: bipolar disorder can be treated,”


“It is often not recognized as an illness, and people may suffer for years before it is properly diagnosed and treated. Like diabetes or heart disease, bipolar disorder is a long-term illness that must be carefully managed throughout a person’s life (National Institute of Mental Health).”

By which they really mean, take meds, take meds, and take meds, for your entire life.

Take meds for your entire life, based on an unproven assertion about the nature of Bipolar Disorder, namely that it is a brain disorder. Left unsaid is, don’t actually study the science, or lack of, just believe what we tell you.

It doesn’t get more pseudoscientific, than that.

Naming Your Oppressors

Sometimes, the only way to be truly free of the abusive people in your life, is to show them the mirror. Literally, hold up a mirror to them, and say to them, “Look. See? This is who you are…” and play your recording of their verbal, emotional, psychic, or physical attack on you, or your brothers or sisters, even friends.

After I reported my parents for religious child abuse, a social worker came to visit. She had mailed my parents a notice, stating she was coming to inspect our home for signs of neglect, abuse, that sort of thing.

My parents utterly ignored my existence for one week, following my mother opening and reading that advance notice from Child and Family Services.

They then proceeded to clean the entire house, from top to bottom. They cleaned the back yard of all the broken toys and dog poop. They cleaned every last dish in the house, cleaned the refrigerator, and the rubbish bins. My mother frantically washed and folded piles of laundry that had lain ignored for weeks.

My parents coached the other children, in what to say, and not say, to the Social Worker, when she arrived.

When she showed up at her appointed time, she found a near-perfect theatrical version of the poor folks rendition of Leave It to Beaver, The Brady Bunch, and Little House on the Prairie.

She came to me, after talking to all the children and my parents, and told me, that I was “Lucky” to be living in such a good home. A model example of a hard-working, Christian, American Family. She was concerned that I was making things up, and that I needed counseling. She left the house, and my parents ruse, their pre-planned staging, had worked.

Later that evening, my mother called a “family meeting” and basically told the other children, that I had tried to get the entire family hurt, by telling lies. And that the reason I had done this, was because I no longer wanted to be in the family.

So, in front of the entire family, she ritually cast me out of the family, and told me, and everyone else, that I was banished to my room, except for school, and therapist visits, and visits with my real dad, and that was all. Anyone caught talking to me, or trying to interact with me at all, would also get banished permanently.

Two weeks later my parents were tag-team beating the older of my two brothers. My mother screamed at one of the other children to turn on the dishwasher, to help mask the sounds of the beating, screaming, and crying. She then encouraged my stepfather, to continue to beat my brother, as my brother lay in a semi-fetal ball on the floor, begging for mercy and crying out “Please stop Daddy!”. Then. The sounds of my stepfather’s hands or feet slamming into his body. Then, my brothers moaning “Nooooo!”

Using an 80s “Boombox” I received for Christmas several months earlier, a twin-cassette dual-speaker music player and AM-FM radio with a built-in microphone, I inserted a music cassette that had previously recorded music on it, and recorded over it, as I opened my bedroom door a crack, and positioned my tape cassette player, with the microphone closest to the door opening, to catch the sounds of the abuse.

The result was a recording I later called, “A Two Minute Glimpse Into Hell”. I saved it, literally, for decades. Then posted it on youtube for one or two years, and it collected thousands of views, and hundreds of comments. With the exception of a few stupid internet trolls who thought “we deserved it”, I would say about 98% of people who heard that two minutes of religious child abuse, were sickened beyond belief, and were quick to denounce my ultra-Catholic parents.

This morning I skimmed an online news article about a mother who sentenced her young child to live in the woods outside the house for a week, for eating an “unauthorized poptart”.

Our parents, many of them anyway, have declared war on us, as children and teens.

Another form of abuse, is parents insisting that you take one or more psychiatric medications that will harm your developing brain, body, organs, glands, sexual function, and your DNA, not to mention your central nervous system – based on an unproven theory that your childish behavior, or your teenage moodswings, or unruliness, or rebelliousness, is the result of a psychiatric disorder, caused by genetic chemical imbalances in your brain.

Your parents are lying to you, in order to mind control you from becoming emotionally mature, mentally clear, and physically healthy. They are doing so, in the name of an idea, a meme, I will call, “Doctor Knows Best”.

I was a victim of psychiatric rape, torture and experimentation, and I was grievously harmed as a teenager by psychiatric medications, which were actually poisonous to me. To this day, I am completely unable to ever have children, because those chemicals, those “meds”, harmed me, and my genes. Meaning, I would pass along psychiatric medicine-damaged DNA to my baby, and that is not acceptable. Psychiatrists took my reproductive choice away from me, when I was just a teenager, in the name of a theory about mental illness, namely, the “chemical imbalance’ theory, that was never ever proven to be true.

You can refuse psychiatric drugs/toxins, with passive, but firm resistance and assertiveness.

Your parents will try to abuse you for rebelling against both them, and the psychiatrist they are using to try to harm you in the name of medicine.

You can record their attempts to psych you out, manipulate you, preach unproven science at you, threaten you with dire consequences, all that jazz.

Post their behavior on youtube, or vimeo, or Facebook, and let the world judge them. Defend yourself, from parental psychiatric abuses, by being nonthreatening when you refuse psychiatric treatment. If they try to force you, they are assaulting and abusing you, and you can either get them arrested and jailed for child abuse, or get them into mental health services for intervention for their rage issues, their control-freak issues, and their utter lack of empathy for you.

Recording has come a long way since the 1980s, when I used a simple and primitive tape cassette recording device, to capture an audio recording of my parents beating and verbally abusing my brother, in front of a painting on the wall of the Sacred Heart of Jesus (looking down on us all during these abuse sessions), within weeks after a social worker sent from the State, told me that she, “Found no abuse going on in this home”, and that I was either imagining it, or deliberately trying to hurt my parents by making false accusations

"Boom Box" from the 1980s with a tiny mic

“Boom Box” from the 1980s with a tiny mic


vintage tape cassette recorder

vintage tape cassette recorder

Modern recording devices include high definition video capture on relatively cheap cell phones and smart phones, as well as digital music players (MP3 players), that, like their ancient Cassette Tape players predecessors, may also have audio recording capability. Check your portable music player, as not all MP3 players have built-in microphones. Many smart phones, actually have audio recording applications pre-installed, and they may be fairly easy to obtain off of phone-app websites.

Smart Phone with HD video capture

Smart Phone with HD video capture

portable music player with tiny mic

portable music player with tiny mic

You can use recording: video, video with audio, or audio only, to get evidence that your brother, sister, cousin, boyfriend, father, mother, uncle, aunt, grandparent or ex-boyfriend, step-family, or a divorced parent’s new live-in boyfriend or girlfriend is being verbally, emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive to you, and get them squared away with either jail time, mandatory counseling, anger management and or parenting classes, and even psychiatric interventions, because it is both unlawful, and ungodly, to abuse or harm people, just because you think you are entitled to be a monster who victimizes innocent children, or vulnerable teens and young adults.

You can record your parents abusing each other, your sister’s boyfriend abusing her, your own abusive friends or boyfriends. Other relatives. Priests and nuns. As well as therapists, and psychiatrists.

In fact, I highly recommend that from henceforth, anyone who intends to be interviewed by a psychiatrist or a psychiatric nurse, or a social worker, take multiple video and or audio-capable devices to your appointment/session, and record everything.

You may find later, when you are out of their “control zone”, that they are unstable, lack compassion or logical reasoning, are gaslighting you or invalidating you constantly, or trying to get you to believe in something, like religion (Jesus, Satan, God), or psychiatry (genetic mental illness, chemical imbalance theory), and once you capture them trying to harm or force you to accept their insane religious beliefs, or their fake and unproven science like psychiatry, you name your abuser, your rapist, and your oppressor, and hopefully, be free of him, or her.

It is time for everyone to grow up. Best wishes and good luck

My parents, both my mother and stepfather, used to slap, strike, scream, whip and drag us around for being “bad” as children. We went to church every Sunday. We said Grace at dinner. My mother and I used to attend prayer meetings on Friday evenings in the same building where I went to CCD classes, and while I attended Catholic Elementary School.

These abuses and beatings, punishments and histrionics would often occur in either our living room, dining room, kitchen, and sometimes our bedrooms.

We had numerous crucifixes on the walls of our home. My stepfather built a enormous white cross three or four feet wide at the crossbar, and maybe five to six feet tall/long. He nailed it to a street-facing side of our house for all passersby and neighbors to know how holy and observant our family was.

The dining room provided chairs for us to be more easily belted or spanked for varying durations. On one wall of the dining room, we had a traditional picture-painting of the Sacred Heart of Jesus looking down at our family during all of these abuses, screaming sermons, and whipping sessions.

The top of the Sacred Heart painting usually had rosary beads draped around it that had been blessed in Holy Water, like the Waters of Lourdes. And often had palm fronds from Ash Wednesday adorning the picture frame as well.

Sacred Heart of Jesus

Sacred Heart of Jesus

The two primary reasons we were given that these beatings and punishments were for our own good, was:

1. The Bible commands children to respect, obey and honor their parents.

2. Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child. Which means by not beating us, we would become spoiled.

They never had any issues resolving the cognitive dissonance involved in choosing to follow the Bible, literally, while at the same time explaining to us all that:

1. We should all do unto others, as we would have them do unto us. Love your neighbors, as yourselves.

2. When a person offends or strikes you, you should A. Forgive them. B. Turn the other cheek (offer them the non-slapped side of your head, for them to strike again).

Their inability to resolve the moral problem imposed by the aforementioned assertions, meant they were both clinically insane, or sociopaths, or perhaps both. At the very least, they were completely dead inside. Dead souls, in living bodies. Unable to ever separate reality from fantasy.

When I confronted my parents both at the dinner table at age 13 and told them I didn’t believe in God anymore, they dismissed the other children from their meals, and sent them to their rooms to go to bed early. Then my parents performed an exorcism on me. Thus satisfying me that they were insane, and we were at war. I was at war, to keep myself safe, and sane from roboflagellating Catholics.

Here is how to drive your parents utterly insane, almost instantly, and get them sent to either jail or a mental hospital for appropriate medical attention or detention.

Take your cellphone your folks bought you. Use it to record a video of you, performing a Satanic Ritual. (don’t worry, it won’t hurt a bit.)

Either in dirt, mud, clay, or sand, or in your bedroom, draw, etch, carve, paint, or build a large circle big enough to sit in the center of comfortably.

Then draw a five-point pentagram inside this circle.

Enter the circle and sit in the middle of the space inside the pentagram.

Bring the following (optional) items or objects with you:

1. a candle. or flashlight.

2. a hand mirror, signal mirror, or makeup compact.

Sit straight and relaxed.

Take thirteen deep breaths, relaxing more and more with each inhale and exhale.

The Holy Bible literally states that the Devil always comes when you call. Always. And that Satan is always listening for exactly that. When you summon, call, or pray to Satan using any of Satan’s Names, Satan, formerly Lucifer the Lightbringer, first of angels and leader of the Fallen, ruler of Hell… will manifest instantly.


Pentagram Ritual

Here is some template prayers you could use to set your mental intention or to utter or whisper silently or aloud.

Hail Lucifer, the Light is with Thee…


Our Satan, Whom art in Hell, Hallowed be thy Name…

According to the Holy Bible, you are literally flirting with death Itself. The Second Most Powerful Being Ever in the history and story of Creation.

If you follow my instructions, or create your own ritual out of your own readings of the Bible, you are basically asking for “It”. If Satan comes to claim your soul, spirit you to Hell, or transform you into a demon or a sorceress, remember, you literally not only asked for it, you prayed for it.

After you call/pray/summon your heartfelt desire to meet, know, or love Lucifer The Fallen, wait for up to three minutes, just to be sure. Then look around you. If you don’t see Satan, the Bible is horribly false, and your parents are utterly insane for believing in such bullhonky and trying to get you to believe it as well, when you could sense there was something seriously wrong with their beliefs all along.

Just to be sure, pick up your small mirror, and look into your eyes, just to be sure Satan isn’t looking out of them.

Now, you have the scientific proof you need to demonstrate clinically, that there is no Lucifer/Devil/Satan, and therefore, there isn’t a God, either.

Record the entire ritual on your video cellphone and the results. Use a friend’s phone as a backup. Record your scientific experiment to prove Satan is real, from multiple angles/viewpoints or perspectives. In different lighting.

And speaking of lighting and the time of the ritual. It doesn’t matter if it’s indoors or outdoors. Daytime, or Night. However traditionally, in terms of occult parameters, these kinds of rituals are best performed in a dedicated space for practicing magical arts, during a full moon, anytime after Midnight, before sunrise. But for the purposes of pure science, it is the power of the prayer, the mental intent behind the thought and action, that counts in terms of flirting with auto-summoning the second most powerful being in all of creation/existence. Which means it would not matter to Lucifer when or where you called, just that you did, and you intended on doing so, deliberately.

Set your local police emergency or 911 into a speed-dial contact list in your phone.

Then post your video on a video upload site to possibly be used as evidence at some point. Definitely to back you up.

Take your phone (your parents may try to snatch it from you after witnessing the video, thinking that it is only on the cellphone itself, and they can destroy both the video and the phone), and show your parents the video that you took of your ritual that scientifically debunks their religious beliefs, unequivocally.

Use your back-up cellphone, to video record the result, their reactions and immediate facial reactions. It should be pretty hilarious for a few moments, then become extremely horrific as your parents literally go insane right in front of your eyes, in seconds. You are actually in danger from severe abuse from them, verbally, emotionally, mentally, and physically.

Just remember to use the safety words “Please stop”. “Stop yelling/abusing/hurting me please!”

If they touch you, it will be to hurt you. Screaming and sermonizing in full-blown theatrics (melodramatics) demonstrating that they are mentally ill in some way, and require immediate intervention.

Call the police at once.

Or leave/flee/run from the house with your video or audio recording evidence of your parents totally losing their minds.

Then call the police.

Upload that video to a video sharing site for legal protection and to use as evidence against them – which may or may not lead to them getting jailed, sent to anger management or parenting classes, and much needed counseling or therapy.

When your parents or other religious people declare war on you over your atheism or alternative spiritual or religious practices, you need to survive. If they draw first blood, you become a rebel, a guerilla fighter, a member of a Resistance, even if that Resistance consists solely of you. Your mission is to keep your Faith, or lack of,  and your mind, heart and body unharmed by your religious family and friends, teachers and priests who will resort to unlawful abuse and real violence the moment you invalidate their religion to their faces.

Your video evidence of their bombastic explosion and dramatic sermonizing and their verbal or physical abuse of you after showing them your scientific proof that Satan is not really real, meaning God can’t be real, either…is their wake up call.



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