Posted by: Jane | May 14, 2015

The meaning of life is endless suffering

If you qualify for two mental illnesses or two psychiatric medications. Your existence is pointless.

Psychiatrists should attach a permanent rx for a one hour deathpill. Redeemable for life. To take, any time you are truly and finally all done with physical, emotional, and mental pain.

Every single day of your wretched and meaningless life.

Ask your doctor, if Tardives Dyskenisa, is right for your depression.

The history of Josef Mengele:

Dr Kay Redfield Jamison once performed Mengele-level science while she was resident in Southern California. She had an agitated man who was brought in for treatment. She had his blood drawn, but decided what the outcome of the test would be, before she saw it. She believed that he lacked the necessary lithium carbonate load in his bloodstream, that would have kept his feelings and energy, “at the equator”.

She had him force medicated with Haldol, telling him he was going to be, “alright”.

He killed himself.

Dr. John Grohol thinks Latuda, is just fine for people with depression. He knows very well that Latuda is just another Haldol. Haldol was used to punish Russian philosophers and social studies teachers. They used it as punishment, because they noticed that people given Haldol, became sedated mental vegetables.

Grohol knows this, but he cares so little about your health, about the idea of a “sound mind in a sound body”, that he reviewed Latuda, and gave it the okay for use for women, knowing full well, what Robert Whittaker knows; that Latuda and Haldol will both give you artificially induced Parkinson’s Disease. As if you were ingesting a very, very diluted version of the nerve agent, VX1.

Neither Kay Jamison, or John Grohol, care about you as a patient. You are a chemical experiment for the American Psychiatric Association of the New Mengele Church of Mental Health. Basically, they are both idiots who should be stripped of their medical credentials, soonest. They practice medicine, for the prestige, the control over people, and for the money. They skipped the Fifth Step, on Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs. To them, money was enlightenment itself.

The way to beat them both, and their Mengele Table, is to read my book. Heal yourself. Then you will be both immune to mental illness, and their toxic psychiatry.

Posted by: Jane | April 7, 2015

Never again

The first time I retired from mental health blogging, patient’s right’s advocacy and psychiatry-critical writing, I had just finished my book. Writing my book took four years, plus a lot of make-up reading about all the “bipolar culture” that did not even exist at the time all my “clinical symptoms” went in remission.

When I first started writing this blog back in 2005, I was practicing the craft of writing, or typing as it may be, and putting my experiences to print. The original name of this blog was “The Taoist Skeptic’s Guide to Alternative Medicine”. Originally, I planned to use this blog to share my experiences using what is colloquially termed, “Alternative Medicine”.

Not all alternative medicine had beneficial results, or made real or lasting changes. Over time, I became critical of what I would call “false paths”, or “detours”, because investing my time in them had little to no reward for me. By reward, I simply mean, “Did taking this therapy, ‘Therapy-X’, have a notable, measurable, beneficial or transformative effect on me?”

Often the answer was simply, “No”. I listened to, or read about other people’s approaches to self-healing, holistic healing, ayurveda, traditional chinese medicine, whatever they were, and I tried them for myself, and gave myself as honest as a self-assessment as I could, phrased like a scientist-doctor-wise woman

“I took these herbs, did they give me the benefit they advertised, yes or no?”

“I used these healing crystals, did I feel healed in the short or long duration, yes or no?”

“I tried this fast, or that cleanse, did the cleanse or diet change have any real lasting benefit to me? Did it alter my energy in any meaningful way? Do I feel differently internally, now that I have given this one week, two weeks, one month. Yes or no?”

Do I feel ‘healed’ of something, after taking this juice or essence concoction or by trying this colonic mixture, yes or no?”

When I evaluated myself as honest as I could, very often the answer was simply, “No,” or “Not really,” or “Not significantly enough to make a note of it, or try it again and again.”

To make a long story shorter, I wanted to share my results of all these little self-experiments, when I discovered that alternative healing and holistic medicine had already been taken to task and criticized or even debunked on a lot of websites, not the least of which was The Skeptic’s Guide to Woo and Faith Healing, (or whatever it was). And I realized that my idea had already been done over several different ways.

When I tried to reach out to women and men, what I had experienced, I would run into their own claims. Claims such as “Well, Prozac and Lamictal work for me, and I returned to work and can take care of my child again, so I don’t want to discuss “going off my meds” or giving myself over to practicing tai chi chuan for four hours a day. Neither is practical for me.”

I would run into variations on that response, again, and again. Most guys seemed to think I was a demon, for tempting them off their stabilizing meds, to re-enter the world of Major Mania and Deep Dark Depression, with my allure of a psych med-free life. You have no idea, actually, some of the things that “bipolar men” have said to me in comments that never got published on my blogs or my old videos.

But more disheartening was the seeming lack of interest from so many women, to sacrifice everything and join me on a three or five-year spirit quest to cure themselves of their bipolar II, their panic disorder, or cyclothemia. As long as they had their pills, living with the iatrogenesis (the biological harm to your body that psych meds cause) was just part of the sisterhood of suffering side-effects, and there was not much they could do about it, so please reconsider speaking my irresponsible anti-medication activisting because how would I feel if one of these bipolar women took my advice, went off her Zyprexa or lithium, and, “Bam!” relapsed into mania or depression?

And it would all be my fault, for tempting these medication-compliant women to detoxify their minds and bodies and feel the freedom I feel inside of me.

My morale flagged. I began to lose interest in sharing these things anymore.

I kept wanting to be all things to all people. Get all these bipolar women to like me, and see the truth of my words, and to take the chance, the risk, the plunge, in rebelling against their medication shackles so they could experience a psychiatric poison-free mind again.

They told me they were fine with their side effects. They asked me where I got my Phd in Psychiatry. They told me I should feel guilty if they hurt themselves by taking my advice. They were stuck, “being bipolar” and had accepted the “meds for life” for their “chemical imbalances” and so, I gave up trying.

I have no real desire to make the rounds of the bipolar blogsphere again. I have no desire to mince words or feel sensitive about your love-hate relationship with your antidepressants, your antipsychotics, or your antiseizure meds for the mental disorders you supposedly have – none of which was ever proven to be a seizure disorder, so why are you taking Lamictal or Depakote again?

I came up with the cure for modern mental illness madness, and my cure is on file with all the world’s governments at this point. Starting with the U.S. Library of Congress.

I know for a fact, that the United Kingdom, Germany, Australia, China, Russia, and the Middle East countries all have my one-of-kind cure on file. I will never again compromise my mental health message or my wellness politics to make men and women who willingly hurt themselves with psychiatric medications feel better about their decision..

Five years ago, when I published my book, “Possessing Me, a memoir of healing,” towards the ending, I made an offer to the world’s major neurology, psychiatric, and psychology institutions. The offer went something like this:

I am willing to perform meditation under controlled laboratory conditions, in the same way the Tibetan, Buddhist, and certain Christian monks and nuns have been tested. Namely, for you to scan and image my prefrontal cortex while I am practicing concentration meditation. It is my belief that my brain will show cortical neuron development on par with, or far in excess of, the neuronal connections that were observed under MRI and PET brain imaging scans of meditating monks and praying nuns.

I offer this thesis:

That at the age of fourteen, I was diagnosed with incurable schizoaffective disorder, a  nasty combination of manic depression, and schizophrenia. My diagnosis was rendered in the old manner; while inpatient for an extended, months long stay, and verified and double-checked by an entire treatment team, consisting of multiple psychologists and psychiatrists.

I was told that without lithium (a blood poisoner that harms your kidneys, thyroid, and bladder) and antipsychotics (which destroy brain cells, and cause central nervous system degradation, hormonal abnormalities, pancreatic damage, and a host of other iatrogenic ailments) that I would be “doomed” to a lifetime of rotating visits to inpatient services. I was told my chemicals were imbalanced due to genetic factors, and there was absolutely no cure for me, or for anyone else.

My treatment team noted on my chart that I got to look at when I turned fifteen, that I “needed to learn to accept my lifelong disability, and to adapt my behavior to take medications on time without resistance or discontinuation”

It was the “best they could do”, they told me.

I did better.

I learned meditation from real masters of their discipline and I practiced like there was no tomorrow. And why not? According to psychiatry, without “my meds” there was basically was no tomorrow, for me. That I was sentenced to either manic and depressive psychosis, or to lithium and trilafon brain fog, until the day that I died.

I took that “day until I die” part, quite seriously. So seriously, that I woke up from a three day coma at St. Joseph’s hospital after taking an overdose that resulted in me leaving my body and looking down at myself being loaded into an ambulance, one year, and one month, after my nineteenth birthday.

After that, I recounted my story in “Meditation as a cure for Mental Illness”.

I am celebrating over eighteen years without clinical depression this spring. That is not possible according to the expert psychiatrists teaching psychology and psychiatry at the undergraduate and graduate university level. My state of inner joy says quite frankly, that they are wrong.

Since no psychiatrists have offered me an apology on behalf of their mistaken colleagues, nor have they offered me any explanation as to why I was tortured with lithium and trilafon, when I told me psychiatrist, “No!”, I offer a chance to prove yourself to me.

The latest in fake psychiatry that is funded by grants by Big Pharma theorizes that extended years of untreated depression, anxiety, ptsd, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia have a ‘deleterious effect” on brain development. Chiefly, it causes these untreated people’s brains to shrink over time.

This is actually falsified data. What it is, is, an attempt to reverse the current trend in independent drug efficacy studies, studies done on rats, monkeys, and even pigs, which show that before medication treatment, these animals had intact brains. After being dosed with a variety of drugs, but MOST ESPECIALLY, antipsychotics, that these laboratory animals had diminished brain cell counts. They found that psych meds hurt your brain, the longer you use them, and the stronger the dose you use over time.

Big Pharma, using the timeless adage “tell a lie over and over again, and it becomes the truth” has decided to try to offset these psych med induced brain damage studies, by spinning their own science about how untreated “bipolar brains” just naturally become damaged and shrink, unless they are protected by the carefully engineered industrial poisons offered like brain candy by these corporations.

I propose to settle the matter, once and for all.

You scan my brain, LIVE, on television, with lots and lots of experts monitoring, including government oversight, patient advocacy groups, Big Pharma drug reps, psychiatrists like Kay Jamison, authors like Ellen Saks and Andy Behrman, and experts like John Grohol of Psych Central, as well as Peter Breggin, Joanna Moncrieff, and Robert Whittaker.

Test me with Sarah Lazar’s Harvard research team. The same team that imaged Tibetan Monks and posted several studies about meditation’s effects on brain development and neuronal growth, and let’s put this on national television, to settle the matter, once and for all.

Not only, are we NOT going to see a helpless, hapless, undrugged bipolar brain withering away in my cranium, we are not going to see any kind of “depression pattern”, “bipolar pattern”, or “schizoid pattern”. Nor will we see anything like the trauma responses and flashbacks that occur in the brains of trauma victims and soldiers with PTSD.

Not only that, but I am willing to up the difficulty level of these tests.

Let’s go for ADHD, while we are at it, shall we?

Under observation, under clinical testing protocols, I will eat methamphetamine or caffeine pills, one after another, in small but increasing doses. Taking stimulants should excite me, and after enough of them, induce first, nervousness, restlessness, or akathasia. Then after more, hypomania. Then after even more stimulants, full-blown chemically-induced mania.

What I will do, is something similar to Yoga master Wim Hoff, who can heat up blocks of ice while he is nearly naked. I will slow down my breathing, my circulation, and my heart rate, effectively controlling the stimulant load on my brain and CNS.

The degree of stimulants I am willing to take, should make just about any human on earth come down temporarily with the symptoms of either akathasia, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

The purpose of this demonstration, will be to show how concentration and yoga body and mind control can reduce stress, over-stimulation, chemically-induced agitation, and artificially induced attention span handicaps.

I can all but guarantee I can meditate like a Zen master while under a controlled dose of stimulants, thereby disproving the etiology of ADHD, Bipolar mania, schizophrenia, clinical major depression and showing how to reverse PTSD, simultaneously, on the world stage for all to see.

That should pretty much debunk psychiatry for the foreseeable future, as well trash all those crappy pop biopsychiatry studies being churned out of universities by pharma grant-money research groups.

How about it? Shall we expose this masquerade called modern psychiatry all the way, or what?

Posted by: Jane | March 30, 2015

Taking your “meds” as a form of Self Injury

If you’re a child, and an adult psychiatric nurse tells you that you have to take lithium because,

“Your body doesn’t make enough lithium on its own. So this is to help you stabilize your mood swings to be more at the “equator”.”

like one of my psych nurses did. Or, your psychiatrist tells you,

“You will accept taking this solvent-smelling, made-from-industrial chemicals ‘anti-psychotic’, willingly, or we will restrain you, and inject you, every single time you resist, until you learn to accept it.”

like my psychiatrist said to me when I was fourteen. You may have no choice but to accept having your brain cells dissolved and your motor neurons and axons killed off until you are quite literally, a Thorazine zombie, doing the zombie shuffle with drool coming out of the side of your mouth, unable to form proper sentences.

However, as an adult you have something called, “informed consent”, that means, unless you are in acute crisis, i.e. actively trying to kill yourself, or running around downtown naked claiming you are Jesus, you do not actually have to take psychiatric drugs. They are just recommended.

So, you do your homework. Study everything you can about antipsychotics and lithium. And when you hear about things like lifetime lithium patients undergoing dialysis, or antipsychotic users coming down with permanent neuro-motor damage. Or, people taking antidepressants, and having “brain zaps”, seizures, and suicidal thoughts, (while taking an anti-depressant), you know something is seriously, seriously wrong with psychiatric medicine.

There is a basic tenet of medicine that goes like this,

“First, do no harm.”

If the first thing you do, as a psychiatrist, is put a mentally ill patient on the path to brain cell destruction, motor-neuron damage, and kidney failure, or increased suicidal thinking, then you are knowingly doing harm. You are. How do you rationalize that?

The answer is, you don’t really care about your patients. It’s all about making the money. Getting those free lunches, and stock options, or getting paid to speak authoritatively and enthusiastically about those poisons in front of an audience.

Now, if you are a patient, and you know, from your research, that lithium hurts, and antipsychotics maim your brain and central nervous system, what does it mean when you take them anyway?

May I suggest, that one of the many reasons you may be depressed or suicidal or self injuring, is that you do not truly love yourself. You look in the mirror, and hate who you see. You do. You hate yourself. A person who hates themselves, has an internal self-destruction mindset. There is a part of them that does not care if they are injured, or they die. I totally understand this feeling, I wrote about it in my book, extensively. So I get it.

But what you can not convince me of is, that you actually love yourself, while voluntarily and knowingly taking a cocktail of drugs which has scientifically been proven to,

A: have no curative or long-lasting therapeutic benefits.

B. Hurt you internally.

There is an adage, “A sound mind in a sound body”

Guess what being on antipsychotics and lithium means? It means your body is perverted. Its toxic. It’s unnaturally polluted. Guess what that means? It means there is no way your mind can ever be truly “sound” while your physical vessel, your body, is “unsound”,

So, if you take this stuff willingly, knowing it can never be good for you, and will hurt you, over the short and long duration, what does it mean?

It means you don’t really love yourself, or you would want very much, to protect yourself from pharmaceutical-induced damage to your heart, kidneys, liver, pancreas, thyroid, gonads, brain, and nervous system.

Because if you truly loved yourself, the way I love myself, you would never ever take those drugs, because they are anti-healing, anti-integrative awareness, anti-holistic health. Anti-wellness. And ultimately, anti-mental health.

Posted by: Jane | March 26, 2015

Tai Chi Chuan: 1 Psychiatry: 0

Did you know that Bellevue Psychiatric once had a program to teach tai chi chuan to both its patients and the staff? I read about it in one of the first alternative health books I ever read. A book called, “Tai Chi: The Supreme Ultimate” by Lawrence Gallante.

The pilot program worked. Patients felt better. Staff felt better.

Bellevue canceled funding for the program, and tai chi chuan was halted at their hospital.


Because it worked.

Psychiatry failed me disastrously as a teenager. Basically giving me a death sentence, “Take these meds for life, or be inpatient for life. Your choice.”

I chose rebellion and disobedience. I chose neither “meds” that only made me feel worse, or their terrifying hospitals.

I chose to figure out their emotional and thought parameter trap, so I could fake “normal” any time. Then I learned tai chi chuan. While I was at a group home, actually. I taught myself tai chi chuan from Lawrence Gallente’s book.

I felt better. I didn’t disbehave. I didn’t act up like the boys and girls there. I didn’t suffer depression while I was there, like all my brother and sister inmates on Prozac that wasn’t really helping them.

I chose tai chi chuan, for life. I’ve been practicing for over twenty years. I cured my depression mostly by my very early twenties, and completely, at the age of twenty-five. I have never been suicidal or depressed, since. That means I won, psychiatry lost, and I exposed the masquerade.

Psychiatry is a dead end project where you get experimented on, and never heal. Tai chi chuan fixed all my physical, emotional and mental imbalances, curing me in a way that is beyond comprehension to anyone that either works in, or for, or is treated for depression at, Bellevue. That stinging sensation you have right now, if you are a psychiatrist or a patient who trusted them long enough to take psych meds for a couple years, is your pride.

Posted by: Jane | March 24, 2015

No Answer.

So far, no one from any psychiatry department on this entire planet has offered to comment, email, Facebook message me, any thing like an interesting defense as to why I was tortured with lithium and perphenazine in the nineties.

Because brain damage was going to help me become aware, or conscious, or more in tune with my body, right?

Because lithium every day for the rest of my life, is how you stay healthy, preventively? The entire method of Chinese Medicine is basically, don’t take or do things that make you unhealthy on a mental or physical level, right? Seems reasonable?

So why take a chemical compound in excess of what your normally have in you, and not call that an artificially induced chemical imbalance?

Your science is total bullshit. You really want to impress me? Explain yourself to me over lunch. I guarantee that you have nothing logical to say to me. How permanent industrial chemical over-loading is preventative medicine for a long and happy life in a healthy body.

You people are fools. You couldn’t pay me enough money to even sample an antidepressant if I was feeling depressed. Instead, I would just re-read my book. Re-examine my formula for repairing myself the first time. And do it all again. Imagine that.

Posted by: Jane | March 20, 2015

A Warning About Trilafon/Perphenazine

Continuing my roll against psychiatric “meds” this month, let’s talk a little about Big Pharma deception.

While I was researching psychiatry for notes for my book, I came across several Pharma-run drug sites. These sites offered advertisements for drugs of all kinds, including psychiatric ones. Curious, I almost instantly started looking up Trilafon, an industrial poison that was used on me for acting out while being raped by psychiatric nurses.

One of those sites, allowed users to review drugs! Kind of like amazon or yelp.

I thought, “Great! Have I got some feedback for you guys!”

I wrote an extensive, and I do mean extensive, review of perphenazine, a.k.a. Trilafon. I wrote about how badly it hurt me. All the symptoms I didn’t have before I was forced to take it. The almost indescribable suffering I experienced at the age of fourteen.

Then I hit “publish”, or “post” or whatever the “submit” button said on it.

Then I eagerly awaited my review to posted after it had been cleared with their board moderator.

I looked forward to seeing my review next the other reviews, the glowing, sunshiny, cheerful reviews for Trilafon.

My review was never published.

I kept checking back…

No go. The Pharma drug review site moderator refused to publish my heartfelt and plaintive and genuine review of one of the worst experiences of my entire life.


Posted by: Jane | March 13, 2015

Dr Grohol’s damaging medical advice

Last week I posted about Latuda, an antipsychotic made from the same class of chemicals that were used putatively in the Soviet Union against dissidents. Toxins, that, when first marketed, were advertised as an effective chemical lobotomy.

There is no reason for incurable schizophrenics to have all that medical mental meltdown! In the quest to find more ailments to treat with these poisons, Pharma companies “expanded” their target demographic to include whatever they thought they could get away with!

The very idea that a chemical lobotomy is good, wise, well thought-out “treatment” for depression is asinine. All antipsychotics cause brain damage.


Is that clear?

This is not a drug that was lovingly and expertly crafted in the lab by chemistry geniuses who wanted to help the mentally ill. Look at Bob Whitaker’s Timeline for the use of antipsychotics. This garbage comes from Big Industry and Big Ag. As a user or customer or patient on any form of antipsychotic, you are a trial and error chemistry experiment.

Dr. John Grohol’s site, “Psych Central” is a platform to gain money from Pharma Companies. It really is that simple. No matter how sensitive or thoughtful Dr. Grohol may sound in his drug reviews, he is not on your side. He is on his side, working on Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs, specifically, the part about making lots of money. He does this by saying nice things about psychiatric drugs, then he gets paid in click-views, page-views, or ad-clicks, or whatever.

Therefore, any woman with half a brain in her head, is going to take one look at his website, and realize the truth. Your suffering is his paycheck.

Dr Grohol doesn’t care about your suffering, actually. If he did, if he had any first-hand knowledge of what it feels like to have the Tardives Dykinisia shakes, the brian fog similar to “chemo-head”, the nausea, the tremors, the twitching, the drooling, (all are to be expected from a toxin that is used to kill bugs) then he could not, in good conscience, recommend Latuda to anyone.

Again, if you are thinking of taking Latuda, ask Dr. Grohol, or any pdoc, if irreversible central nervous system damage is the right medical treatment for your lifestyle depression.

There is not a chance in hell, that I would take anything seriously that comes out of that man’s mouth regarding mental health treatment with today’s psychiatric poisons.

A warning about “Latuda” for “bipolar depression”.

I saw this commercial for Latuda the other day and the instant I saw it, alarm bells started ringing, and I thought I would share my thoughts about why I do not believe any woman (or man) should ever be on this drug. Let’s start with the video, shall we?

At three seconds into the video, we know it is targeting middle class women.

At seventeen seconds in, we hear that “clinical studies show that it is effective.. blah blah”

I’d like to refer you to a book called,  “How To Lie With Statistics”. Essentially, they are lying to you.

At 24 seconds in, it is “Call your doctor if you have thoughts of suicide, (after starting this drug).”

Any drug for your mind that causes you suicidal thoughts when it claims to be treating them…. is harming you. It is a bogus medication. It’s not good for you.

36 seconds in: “Elderly dementia patients have an increased risk of death or stroke.”

Why? Why should “head medicine” taken by anyone, regardless of age or mental state, increase your risk of dying? Does that make any sense? To take a drug that ups your odds of dying or having a severe medical event like a heartattack? It sure makes no sense to me!

40 seconds in: “Call your doctor if you have fever, stiff muscles, and confusion, as these may be signs of a life-threatening reaction.”

This is all we need to know about this drug, to make sure no female ever takes this poison into her body. Why? SImple. When I forced to take Trilafon as a teenager against my will, I experienced those symptoms. It is caused by the toxic effects of the drug. It harms your nervous system. Latuda is an antipsychotic. Depression has not been medically or scientifically proven to be a psychotic disorder…meaning? You have no business taking this drug for bipolar depression, unipolar depression, post partum depression, or any other form of depression, as those effects which harm your nervous system are basically just killing you slowly. Slow-motion poisoning, with a bug killer. See Bob Whitaker’s timeline on the development of antipsychotics.

Latuda is no different from Thorazine, Haldol, Abilifry, Geodon’t, Seroquel, RIsperdal, Zyprexa and the plastic-laden Trilafon that I was on for six months until I loudly said, “No more. Not ever.”

You do not treat your brain, organs, heart, or central nervous system, with industrial toxins, okay?

Go ahead and ask your doctor, if Tardives Dyskinesia is the right treatment for your depression.

Go ahead and ask him or her.

This entire video was aimed at women with money to burn on medication roullette. Don’t give Big Pharam research data that you are paying for with your money and your body. Your lovely CNS and feeling-attention-sensations will thank you for not hurting yourself with antipsychotics

I feel I should add, that in the course of using meditation to become clear and happy, I factored in every substance in my body, and reduced them all until I was ascetically pure. Then I could feel very profoundly the effects of a single sip of coffee or sodapop, and listen to how those chemicals made my insides feel.

Antipsychotics, of which Latuda is one of them, cause brain damage over time, which is anti-healing.

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